Watch

I've been sitting at my computer trying to think about how I should right this post. I have all these great thoughts and analogies that I want to express, but I just can't seem to get it out.

As I was driving today thinking back to how my life has turned out, I wonder, was it all in GODS plan. Did I ever have control over it. I have four amazing children and I would love to have more. People who know my situation often say "Four kids and you want more. Your husband wanted two, for his sanity, STOP". So I wonder, my heart tells me one thing and his another. Do we have a choice. I mean doesn't GOD already have a plan for our lives. Whether it's four kids or ten!

I do know one thing, GOD just doesn't hand things out and says "live happily ever after". What am I to learn from my life, from my husband, children, etc...

Which leads me to Faith. GOD gave me a special needs child. I didn't want a special needs child nor asked for one. But that's not my choice. So as I'm driving in the car today, lost in my thoughts, I kept on asking myself, why me? Just about everyone I know who adopted a child, got a "normal" child, so why not us. I new the answer was in front of me, but I couldn't figure it out. What did GOD want me to learn from all this. I kept on hearing that little voice saying WATCH. Watch very carefully. WAS GOD TALKING TO ME!

Through Faith I've learned many things, things I never wanted to learn about. Like PT, OT, ST, SID, Hyptonia, Myopathy, Metabolic disorder, etc... I've learned that we spend a great deal of time looking at the big picture and sweating the small stuff.

I've watch my three older children grow, hit there milestones when they were suppose too, walk, talk, jump, hop, skip. Faith has yet to accomplish these milestones. I always thought that the down side of adoption was that I'd miss her first year, miss her first steps or fist words. Be carefully of what you ask for. So I sit and watch Faith, I watch her shake her head back and forth freaking out because she is on Sensory overloaded, I watch her roll all over the floor wondering why she isn't crawling or walking. Meanwhile, I hear a voice yelling at me WATCH, WATCH, WATCH.

So I came home from my sons soccer practice yesterday and in the mist of chaos, my Nanny wants to show me a video of Faith, so I stop and WATCHED. Check it out

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Did you see what she did. She pick up that bib, what 7/8 times. Intentionally, purposely grab it, picked it up, played with it. Believe it or not that is a huge milestone for Faith. For 17 months, that child has never grabbed a thing, she's never held anything in her hand, she's never wrapped her hand around my finger or pulled my hair or throw a toy. Until yesterday.

So now, now I watch all the little stuff, all the stuff that means something. I no longer worry when she is going to do something, because she is doing something. She is growing and thriving each and everyday. I know that GOD doesn't just want me to watch Faith, I know that he wants me to watch and learn from all my child.

So right now, this very moment, I raise the LORD up and praise him for giving me the gift to WATCH and LEARN.

Excuse me if this was all a bunch of rabbling and really doesn't make much sense, but it is all very clear to me.