Emotional

Is how I feel right now. For good and bad.

Faith had her first Physical therapy session and it went well. I was able to get a little more insight from the therapist on her condition. Although disheartening, I feel ready to get going. I wasn't prepared for what Faiths homecoming would bring, what parent would be. I thought physical delays, no big deal, we would work on that and she'd catch up, sooner than later. But I sit here in tears because she is not just physically delayed, she is developmentally delayed. She potentially has issues that could last a life time and I am feeling overwhelmed, guilty, sad and anxious.

You see, my husband didn't want four kids, he wanted two. After I pestered him for a third, he got a vasectomy. However, three kids still wasn't enough for me, that's when I convinced him we should adopt. I chose Guatemala for many reason, a healthy infant was one.

Having a fourth child was going to throw things off a bit. My twin sister and I have many things in common, it's a twin thing. We both have three kids and me having a fourth would unbalance things. She has a girl and two boys, just as I had. Her third child Joey is disabled. He suffered an accident that has left him brain damaged. My sister spends her days taking him all over town for therapy session after therapy session. What does this have to do with anything? I thought that it was odd that we were no longer similar in regards to our child. God had something in store for my sister and I and I couldn't figure out what it was. I've got it now! Instead of my sis having a fourth child to even the score, the Lord gave me Faith. Our lives are connected once again. I will join my sister on her journey to healing our children and giving them the best possible life out there.

So that leads me to my guilt. Remember, my husband didn't want anymore children. Now we will be spending a great deal of time and energy getting Faith to were she needs to be developmentally. I feel like I didn't give him the option, that I chose his path without considering his feelings. And now he will go through the process of seeing his daughter struggle to become all she can be. Don't get me wrong, he is an incredible man and doesn't look back. He takes what God gives him and runs with it. He said to me "Rub some dirt on it and get up". So that's what I'm going to do. Matter of fact I'm going to rub a little dirt on everyone in the house.

The lord has blessed me with an amazing family and I am so grateful to have Faith and all my children in my life. I just got a little pep talk from my sis and now I'm feeling better.



Thanks for the vent session