Emotional

Is how I feel right now. For good and bad.

Faith had her first Physical therapy session and it went well. I was able to get a little more insight from the therapist on her condition. Although disheartening, I feel ready to get going. I wasn't prepared for what Faiths homecoming would bring, what parent would be. I thought physical delays, no big deal, we would work on that and she'd catch up, sooner than later. But I sit here in tears because she is not just physically delayed, she is developmentally delayed. She potentially has issues that could last a life time and I am feeling overwhelmed, guilty, sad and anxious.

You see, my husband didn't want four kids, he wanted two. After I pestered him for a third, he got a vasectomy. However, three kids still wasn't enough for me, that's when I convinced him we should adopt. I chose Guatemala for many reason, a healthy infant was one.

Having a fourth child was going to throw things off a bit. My twin sister and I have many things in common, it's a twin thing. We both have three kids and me having a fourth would unbalance things. She has a girl and two boys, just as I had. Her third child Joey is disabled. He suffered an accident that has left him brain damaged. My sister spends her days taking him all over town for therapy session after therapy session. What does this have to do with anything? I thought that it was odd that we were no longer similar in regards to our child. God had something in store for my sister and I and I couldn't figure out what it was. I've got it now! Instead of my sis having a fourth child to even the score, the Lord gave me Faith. Our lives are connected once again. I will join my sister on her journey to healing our children and giving them the best possible life out there.

So that leads me to my guilt. Remember, my husband didn't want anymore children. Now we will be spending a great deal of time and energy getting Faith to were she needs to be developmentally. I feel like I didn't give him the option, that I chose his path without considering his feelings. And now he will go through the process of seeing his daughter struggle to become all she can be. Don't get me wrong, he is an incredible man and doesn't look back. He takes what God gives him and runs with it. He said to me "Rub some dirt on it and get up". So that's what I'm going to do. Matter of fact I'm going to rub a little dirt on everyone in the house.

The lord has blessed me with an amazing family and I am so grateful to have Faith and all my children in my life. I just got a little pep talk from my sis and now I'm feeling better.



Thanks for the vent session

Random pictures.

What a pair. Rex loves his baby, as he calls her. She's getting used to him. Faith with Grandma Honey and Great Grandma Mary.
Roc sleeping on the couch. He always did fall asleep in the oddest positions.
Paris and Roc celebrating Faiths 1st birthday.
See! My hair does go flat, however not for very long.

Birthday pictures

I liked the cake. Get that cake out of my face. I'm trying to watch my girlish figure.

It's my birthday and I'm the princess
Cupcake cake. It was mmm...mmmm... good
Well everyone else like it.
Can I go to bed now. I'm pooped out.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday baby girl. My wish for you today was that you would be home with your family, and that wish came true. You are such an important part of this family and we all love you so very, very much. So here's to a Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday.

I'll post pictures later after her party

Developmental Delays?

Developmental Delays? I had no idea what exactly this meant. When we brought Faith home my husband and I new that she was a bit delayed, we weren't in store for how delayed she really was. Faith has been home a little over a month now and we will be celebrating her 1st birthday on Friday. Unfortunately, there will be no shoving cake in her mouth or opening presents for the first time, because she doesn't know how. She can't sit on her own, roll over properly, won't grab anything, not even your finger, she doesn't crawl or walk, and shes just learning how to eat baby food. It pains me to think that she has never made it to her milestones, not even for Guatemala's standards.

When we arrived home, I had contacted our early intervention program and started the process of getting Faith the care she needs to get were she needs to be. Today was her evaluation with the occupational and physical therapist. It was obvious to the physical therapist that Faith had spent a majority of her time on her back due to the way her body has developed. She has extremely low muscle tone. He said she was at about a 1 to 2 month old level physically. The occupational therapist stated that she has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Please see link to read about the disorder. http://www.spdfoundation.net/aboutspd.html. She stated that she was at about a 3 to 5 month old level. Both therapist stated that she is extremely delayed. The therapist were amazing and Faith will start therapy next Friday.

My daughter is the most beautiful, happy, fascinating soul I've ever met. Although her abilities are limited her eagerness to learn is plentiful. My biggest joy will be the day she can sit on her own. I love all my children more than any words could describe. The lord has entrusted me to care for Faith and I am ever so grateful. People always tell me that she is so lucky to be with us and that we saved her life, but I am truly the lucky.

I ask that you keep her in your prayers.

HOT, HOT, HOT

It is HOT out here. The temperature over the weekend was in the high 90's to low 100's. Thank goodness for the pool. The pool is probably the best investment we've ever made. We swam all weekend, at least until the pool became to warm. The kids are all wiped out. You know when your two year old is tired when at 7:00pm he comes to you and says "Night night Mom", and then passes out as soon as he hits the pillow. The babies, as I now call my 1 year old and 2 year old, are sleeping. Two kids down and two to go.

Things have been crazy here. I'm mentally exhausted. Faith is starting to sleep through the night, so I've been able to catch up on my sleep a little. She is in the process of cutting two teeth, which will make four, and she is totally miserable. Meanwhile, she is in the process of having all her evaluations done for our Early Intervention program in order to begin therapy. I'm slowly learning how to help her with her physical and cognitive delays. I't is such unfamiliar territory. She has started to eat baby foods, I have her up to 4/5 jars of stage two foods a day, with the exception of an off day such as today. We attempted to have an eye exam and that didn't go over well. The doctor couldn't do the exam since Faith was being uncooperative so he suggested we put her under anesthestia to do the exam. I decided to pass on that and will try another exam in a few months. I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic about her growth, it's not always easy. My other kids are great with her. Paris adores her. She is a lot of help. Rex is protective and jealous over her, but I know that those two will be close. Roc loves her, but just goes about his daily business and may stop to acknowledge her once in awhile. The hubby is stressed out and overwhelmed with four kids, but for a man who only wanted two kids, he's doing pretty well. I couldn't do it without him, or the Nanny. Love ya B.

My thoughts and prayers have been with my fellow bloggers whom are still struggling to bring their babies home. I'm sending my love. Stay strong and positive.

Happy Mother's Day

Me and my beautiful kids My twin sister and neice, Jessica
Cousins, Evan, Faith and Adam

I just wanted to wish all the Moms and Moms-to-be a very happy Mother's day. Today was a very special Mothers day because it was my first Mother's day with Faith home. My entire family came over. When I say entire family, I mean Aunt and Uncle, cousins, siblings, neices, nephews, Mother, Grandmother, etc... The weather was perfect therefore we were able to spend a great deal of time in the backyard swimming and watching the kids run around.

I also wanted to say thank you to my husband who worked hard all day, making things pleasant for everyone. I love you.

Fav Foto Friday

Rub-A-Dub Dub Four Kids in a Tub

Keeping the FAITH

Prior to making the decision to adopt my husband and I were in church and the pastor was speaking of adoption and foster care. He quoted a verse, James 1:27 "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." To say the least this verse stuck with me. I knew from that moment on that someday I would adopt. The ironic part was that my husband Grandmother had just passed away and his Grandfather would now live the rest of his days with us.

When my husband and I started the adoption process, we had decided to adopt a girl and name her FAITH, I had no idea what role and meaning of her name would play in our lives. Hebrews 11:1 "FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." FAITH, FAITH, FAITH it came up so often. Our social worker said you must have FAITH in the lord to get you through this, you must have FAITH in your agency, you must have FAITH, FAITH, FAITH. We knew almost immediately that that was the perfect name for our daughter.

Through the whole adoption process, I tried with all my might to keep the FAITH. There were some very tough times and I even questioned my FAITH, but I knew in my heart of hearts that this adoption was the Lords will and he will do what was best for all parties involved.

April 16, 2008 we brought our daughter home. Our daughter is severely delayed. At 11 months old she is more like a five month old. Today we met with our early intervention program to begin therapy. It was very obvious to them the challenges that our daughter would face. However, with love, nutrition and therapy she should begin to thrive. It is however, very hard not to subject myself to negative thoughts. I worry about her future and what it may hold. I pray her delays are nothing but delays. My FAITH is being tested and I can guarantee you that I will always keep the FAITH. The lord has brought our daughter to us for a reason and I will never falter on my love for her.

I have learnED that nothing is more important than beleiving in GOD and accepting of his will.

My thoughts and prayers are with all those families that are stuck in this adoption process, with all those families that face unknown struggles. One word of advice, Keep the FAITH

New look for our blog

What do you think? Since we are no longer waiting for Faith to come home, I thought I would dedicate this blog to my family, especially my children. The header remained the same, "Keeping the Faith", for many reason. We continue to believe in the lord and all that he has in store for us and we continue to keep faith in one another as a family unit, amongst many other things.

Thanks to everyone who follows our life and supports us day in and day out.

Fav Foto Friday

I couldn't pick just one.

Faith and her Daddy


What big eyes you have


Hey Mom look at me!